Last week I sat down to write an essay about the year I spent leading creativity workshops in a women’s prison. It felt like an obvious topic, one that would hook people’s interest and inevitably lead somewhere interesting.

But it didn’t. Every paragraph was a dead end. Finally I walked away.

Later that night, though, a question came to me, unbidden:

What is my intention?

It’s a Tara Brach-ism that I’ve had taped to my laptop for years and is therefore invisible to me. Yet, something summoned it to me last night. 

Tara Brach, the Buddhist meditation teacher, talks about this question as a useful tool for “showing up” in social interactions. The truth is, we behave differently if we come from a place of “trying to impress” or “showing off” versus “seeking to understand.” 

When I first heard her talk about it, it resonated. I realized that many times, when I came away from a conversation feeling empty or icky or unfulfilled, my intention had been to impress. To appear funnier or more worldly or less confused than I am. (Those interactions can also feel gross if the integrity of the other person’s intention is questionable. It works both ways.)

When I show up (in a meeting, to a party, to the blank page) with an intention of being authentic, understanding, or finding genuine common ground with someone, the exchange tends to flow better and feel better. I’ve seen this shift plenty of times–at work, in client consultations, in social situations–but last night was the first time I applied it to writing.

What was my intention in writing that piece about the women’s prison? 

Honestly, I was trying to show off. To talk about an unusual part of my past that tends to grab people’s attention. “This’ll make people read all the way through,” I’d thought. And so the writing felt cringy and posturing. 

In some ways this isn’t totally our fault, because the U.S. education system tends to encourage us to write to show off, rather than search for truth or convey something meaningful.

That, and those of us who trade in words often start out writing with the purest of heart, but soon our intention becomes booking a client, sounding writerly, or filling a post quota on LinkedIn.

When we write from a place of genuine curiosity, passion, interest, and/or wanting to convey an idea, the writing flows and it tends to connect with people.

(The thing is, people can often see right through us. We think we’re being convincing but people can usually tell what our real motive is without much effort, if they’re paying attention.)

I hope this’ll serve as a more consistent reminder to name my intention before starting a project. To start from a place of honesty and curiosity. To seek to understand, to be understood, to convey a meaningful idea. And to let that idea be a bridge to other people–not a mask to hide behind.

If you want to see how you and I might work together to bring your writing to life, schedule a free call with me here. I’m excited to meet you!