Years ago, I met a client in person after months of working together. Right after, she ghosted me.

She was a renowned clothing designer, and I was nervous to visit her studio. Still, she was friendly and welcoming, and I left thinking it had gone well.

Then she stopped returning my emails.

Weeks turned to months, and I wondered:

Was it something I said?

I can’t believe I wore an H&M blazer to a fashion designer’s studio.

Is it my hair? Too curly/frizzy/unkempt?

I scoured the time we’d spent together, looking for the moment I’d messed up.

Then, seven months later, an email from her:

Dear Kimberly, I’m sorry for not reaching out sooner. My mother died…

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We truly have no idea what’s going on in other people’s hearts.

We might never know why someone doesn’t choose us–professionally, personally, or in any other context.

The danger in that is that we might internalize beliefs like:

It’s my fault.
I said the wrong thing.
I’m not good enough.

It’s very easy to assume something nasty about ourselves.

We need to guard against that.

It’s also easy to assume something nasty about them. (Yes, I’m talking about who voted for whom.)

We need to guard against that, too.

It’s dangerous to think “It’s my fault,” and it’s dangerous to think “They’re selfish” or “They’re dumb.”

We cannot go reducing other people to the impoverished versions of them that we make up in our head.

We need to learn to handle uncertainty, accept that other people’s internal reality is as real and important to them as ours is to us, and stay grounded in our own truths.

We can do that by:

✅ Not jumping to conclusions about what happened. (You can tell this is happening if you start making sweeping statements like “I’m unprofessional” or “She’s just a horrible person.”)

✅ Keeping our self-talk positive and rooted in truth.

✅ Leaning into our strengths and continuing to grow, professionally as well as emotionally/mentally.

✅ Taking actions toward the vision we have for ourselves, our businesses, and our world. (This often involves having hard conversations.)

✅ Focusing on what’s in our control, and letting go of what’s outside it.

And of course we can look back and learn from what happened, too.

I still wish I hadn’t worn that H&M blazer.

But not because it was H&M. It’s because I’m not a blazer person. Wearing it was an act of posturing, of trying to impress, rather than be my authentic self. But that’s for another post.

I’m Kimberly, and I’m a ghostwriter and book coach specializing in helping people write business books and memoirs with themes of mental health, spirituality, and social justice.

If that piques your interest, set up a call with me and we’ll talk about how we might collaborate to bring your book to life.