It feels weird to be back in the querying game for my own novel.

This past year I’ve told every single one of my clients that I recommend hybrid publishing over traditional. I do. Hybrid can be so much cleaner, easier, more satisfying, less devastating on a soul level. Traditional saps up so much energy and often just yields frustration, disappointment, and years with little to show for it.

And yet.

“Dear [agent],” I type, “I am seeking representation for…”

I know, I know. What am I even doing? Why am I subjecting myself to this again?

(Backstory: I was signed with an agent from 2016-2018, but we parted when he wasn’t able to sell my two novels. This resulted in something like an identity crisis and a long stretch without me writing at all.)

So why am I doing this?

Part of me wants to blame my dev editor. She’s from the Big 5, so she leans traditional, and I could just say “she made me.”

But that’s not the whole story. Part of me still wants that trad book deal for my novel. Is it the prestige? Is this just the old me, still needing external validation? Or is it a childhood dream I’m still not giving up on?

I don’t know. But when my dev editor told me she thinks it’s worth a shot, I was already in line.

So…. here goes nothing. 

Wish me luck.